Red
' Red '''is the main protagonist of 'Dick Figures, 'besides his friend Blue. He's a fun-loving guy, never seen calm, who almost never takes things seriously & loves parties & girls. He wears a backwards red cap & lives with his best friend & roommate: Blue, a calm guy who's the complete opposite of Red. His catchphrase's simply "Yeah, right!", but on many occasions, he's been known to yell "'Sup beeeitch!" or just "Sup bitch!". On 1 occasion, he says "Catchphrase" in Traffic Jams, just before he & Blue slay the Turtle Dragon. He's also seen to be a very violent character, as he's seen killing a lot of people at Maulmart in Flame War & also in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, where he smashes through the window of a church & slaughters many innocent people with a katana. He also makes "the perfect murder" on Broseph in Zombies & Shotguns, cutting him in 2 with a chainsaw & Red continued killing him on various occasions on different episodes. Appearances ''To see what episodes Red has appeared in, please go to: Red/Appearances '' Quotes ''Post some of Red's most famous quotes at: Red/Quotes Trivia *According to the movie, he & Blue were born around 1988, making them possibly 25 years old. *Red's revealed to be an extra-terrestrial creature in First Day of Cool. In simple terms, Red might be an alien. *Red & Blue have been friends for a long time. In Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada, their friendship's confirmed on Facester. *Red has the most references given to him. *Red's roommates with Blue. *Red's amoral since he can't tell right from wrong. *He hates Broseph, but the feeling isn't mutual, causing Red to kill Broseph every time they meet. So far, he's killed Broseph 4 times. *He's the most liked character in the series (confirmed by comments). *Red has the power of defying gravity (flying) in many episodes. *In He Who Shall Not Be Maimed & Role Playas, Red's a knight named Maroon. *He seems to be the only character that wears his cap backwards. *There are 7 episodes where Red doesn't wear a cap. In Panda Hat, he removes his cap when he talks up a woman, in Flame War while using his flamethrower, his cap doesn't appear, while in Role Playas, in Fang Angels (but was wearing it when he robbed a bank), and in Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada wears a bandana. Also in Adventures of Batman & The Bloser & The Fart Knight Rises, he was seen wearing the Batman ears the whole time. It was probably his hat because there's an extra line there. *Apparently, he owns a katana, a hand gun, ninja stars, and a pump shotgun, as they are always usually in his possession. *He is apparently an alcoholic, as seen in Panda Hat. *Red's Emperor of the Crimson Empire, as seen in Attack of the Pwns. *In Kitty Amazing, Blue calls him "Marco", but he was most likely just doing the game, "Marco Polo", in which someone says the name "Marco" & waits until the person he or she's looking for says "Polo". Plus, in the episode, Blue had eye surgery so he couldn't see & by playing Marco Polo he'd know where Red was. *He, on the inside, is a very kind person & he cares so much about the people he loves. But this side's only seen in 8 cases: **In A Bee or Something Red tries to get Blue a new girlfriend. **When Kitty Amazing kills people in the city, Red ends the cat's reign of terror by placing the cat in front of a mirror, which causes the cat to turn to stone. **In "Role Playas", Red kills Black because he was attacking Blue. (In the process of saving him, Red shoots Blue repeatedly in the back with his bow.) ** In "Y U So Meme", he was jealous of Jason (Trollzor) because he "took" his best friend Blue. He pays the Fat Ugly Girl to break Jason's heart to show to Blue that he's an asshole & Red & Blue became best friends again (Red punches Blue in the face as a gesture of forgiveness). **In "Attack of the Pwns", Red let Blue live & took the 2 jet packs with him to get out of the escape pod before they died a firey death in the sun (but once they ran out of gas, he left him there to die). **In "Lord Tourette's Syndrome", he helps Lord Tourettes find his hat (but only for the treasure). **In "Adventures of Batman & The Bloser", he (as Batman) & Blue (as Bloser) defeat Earl Grey & restore the colors of all of the people (including Lord Tourettes) who got their color drained by Earl Grey's bombs. **In Terminate-Her! while acting out the terminator and killing anyone name Sarah, Red saves Blue from both possible death & humiliation by killing the slut that was hitting on him. (The slut turned out to be a poly metal alloy killing machine after being thrown out the window.) **In "Modern Flame War 3", Red saved the Internet from himself with Blue & Jason (Trollzor) after crashing it while searching for the world's most perfect pair of boobs. **In Pleasure Cruise, he tries to save a cruise ship full of people from Gerald Butler's bomb & buys Blue a hot dog. (But if you look closely you can see Red taking the money from Blue's pocket.) **In Kung Fu Winners, Red goes with Blue to the Golden Lotus Dragon to go rescue Pink. (However, Red's only real motivation is that he is craving some chow mien. **In Pussy Magnet, Red tries to help Blue overcome his problem with Pink. (He starts by punching Blue in the face, having a threesome in front of him and then giving him dating advice that gets him shot by his girlfriend.) **In Brain Switch Red (in Blue's body) tries to help Blue get a job by pooping in his pants and making such dimwitted comments that the interviewer is prompted to ask if he is retarded. *In Camp Anarchy, Red revealed that he lost his virginity to a tree. *Red's voice has been Auto-Tuned 5 times in the series, "A Bee or Something", "Bath Rhymes", "Clip: Bath Rhymes","Camp Anarchy" & "Losing Streakers". *Judging by the picture in the episode Butt Genie, Red's wish is to rule the world. *Red's shown to have a talent in making up songs as he makes up an entire song in Bath Rhymes & a little rap in Camp Anarchy & another rap in Attack of the Pwns. *He's the current leader of the Crimson Armada. *His gameplay name's Maroon or RedD3ATH. *He & Blue get into pretty heated arguments that could end up in war as shown in Attack of the Pwns because Red ate the last frozen burrito. *Red, in the beginning, disliked Lord Tourettes, but in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, he only helps him for the treasure. In Season 3, he doesn't seem to be disliking Lord Tourettes anymore. *As of Fang Angels, he has a criminal record. **In We're Cops!, ''he carjacked a police cruiser. *Red possibly has super-human strength because in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, he could lift a building, in Fang Angels, the barbell he lifted was a total of 10,000 pounds & in Steakosaurus, he could lift the Proton Designator with ease even though it is larger than him in length. *Red's the captain of the Pina Colada Armada, whose crew consists of himself, Blue (as the lieutenant), Raccoon (as the ship's chef), and beautiful wenches. *Red has a song on the Dick Figures Season 1 Soundtrack called "Yo Butt" in which Raccoon's the guest singer. *Red has superpowers, most likely having to do with his alien origin: **Enhanced Strength as seen in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, Fang Angels & Steakosaurus. **Defying gravity in many episodes. **Laser Eyes in Sex Marks the Spot & Adventures of Batman & The Bloser. **He can eat barbed wire without getting hurt in Modern Flame War 3. **Red's capable of shooting a beam of energy with his hands to pulverize someone, as seen in Kung Fu Winners. **He can also make multiple people's heads explode through intense concentration as seen in Kung Fu Winners. **He is a "Pussy Magnet" (Kittens). *Many fans agree that the reason why he's floating in most episodes is because of his hat, like how Lord Tourettes' hat is the reason why Lord Tourettes swears when he spazzes. However the episode Brain Switch shows Red floating while in Blue's body. *Red has a Twitter page called Red_ImBatman . *It's shown in Sex Marks the Spot that he hides his porn mags & boob pics in a temple-like part of his home, because internet doesn't have "the weird stuff". **He's a fan of the classic "strange stuff" as well as modern porn, yet no 1 knows if he doesn't watch Internet porn, but in Modern Flame War 3 he's seen searching the Internet to look for the perfect boobs. *Red has Laser Eyes as revealed in Sex Marks the Spot. **This could be a reference to the lyrics to Bath Rhymes.'' *Red may have found a 'love of the law' in We're Cops!.'' *Red is known to eat barb wire & drink his own piss as of Modern Flame War 3 or just a reference to Bear Grylls. *Red has shown to be a very good shot in multiple episodes like Modern Flame War 3 & Flame War. *Red might have died in the explosion from Stacy, the only 1 with boobs that can destroy anything in Modern Flame War 3, but since that Blue & Trollz0r (Jason) survived in the end, there's a chance he & Stacy survived as well. *It's odd to see how Red wasn't excited for Modern Flame War 3 when in Flame War he killed multiple people for it, however this could be because as Blue said it was just the same game & that he was really busy finding the perfect boobs. *He's shown to love Chow Mein in Kung Fu Winners. *In Kung Fu Winners, Red's able to use the Original Kamehameha from the Dragon Ball series. *Red's a Kung Fu Winner as revealed in Kung Fu Winners. *Red might have had sex with a machine which he reveals in Losing Streakers when he speaks to a slot machine, mentioning to the machine's "mother", to which the machine calls him "Father". * In Pussy Magnet, Red gives Blue advice on getting girls so Blue can impress Pink. *Red was born strong with powers & mastery of martial arts in First Day of Cool. *In Sex Marks the Spot & Ocho Muerte, Red tends to keep certain things safe by eating them & shitting them out. *Red can grow his arm twice as long than a normal character, as seen in Kung Fu Winners. *In Taco Tuesday, Red screams that he never has money, which could be true. But in some episodes, he pulls out his own money & actually pays something. Episodes where he paid: **In Steakosaurus, when he doesn't want to hear Raccoon's warnings & pays him $50 so that he could give the time machine without any problems. **In Chug-A-Chug-A-Brew-Brew, he bribes a barman. **Red pays the Fat Ugly Girl to get Blue to stop hanging out with Jason. *In OMG, he was seen smoking in 1 of Raccoon's dreams. Because this was a dream, it was unknown if Red really smokes. **Later episodes, such as Taco Tuesday & Freshman 15, proved that he smokes. *In Freshman 15, we see that Red can have sex with girls really quickly. For example, in the beginning of the episode, he had sex with 4 girls in only 4 seconds. *According to Ed and Zack, Red isn't an alien, but he didn't come from Earth. *In The Fart Knight Rises, Red as Batman, we see that he owns a giant floating ship, which he used mostly to see boobs. **In the same episode, Red states that what he loves about 4th of July isn't the fact that America defeated Great Britain for their independence, what he loves is the barbecue. *In his 1st original appearance, in the unaired Pilot episode, he has a blue cap instead of a red 1. *In Robot Frog, it shows that Red likes to crap on Blue's pajamas when he's not home. *Red seems to enjoy another Mondo show called "Gundarr", since he watches it as if it was porn. *Red might own a laptop computer, since he watches his porn with his computer now, not in his normal computer in his apartment anymore (in Modern Flame War 3, when he was looking for the perfect boobs, using 99% of the internet.). **The laptop might be owned by both Blue & Red since they share the same apartment, since Blue also uses it in the Deep Space 69 Promo (Promos). *He also seems to watch another show on Mondo's channel called "Post Nuclear Family". *Red owes Blue $11,271.33 dollars. If not paid, 1 dollar equals 1 punch (as seen in Camp Anarchy). *Red is fluent in Spanish. *Red hates to clean. *In the movie, we see that Red prefers to eat tiny cell phones instead of sushi. *Red has apparently masturbated to Animal Planet, claiming he only did it "1 time". *In the movie, Red hinted that he could be trying to make out with Pink because of her giving him 'dirty looks'. He even tricked Pink into breathing around his penis in Snowjob Gallery Red 4.jpg Red 3.jpg Red 2.jpg Red 1.jpg Red 10.jpg Red 9.jpg Red 8.jpg Red 7.jpg Red 6.jpg Red 20.jpg Red 19.jpg Red 18.jpg Red 17.jpg Red 16.jpg Red 15.jpg Red 14.jpg Red 13.jpg Red 12.jpg Red 29.jpg Red 28.jpg Red 27.jpg Red 11.jpg Red 26.jpg Red 25.jpg Red 24.jpg Red 23.jpg Red 22.jpg Red 21.jpg Red 40.jpg Red 39.jpg Red 38.jpg Red 37.jpg Red 36.jpg Red 35.jpg Red 34.jpg Red 33.jpg Red 32.jpg Red 31.jpg Red 2.10.jpg Red 2.9.jpg Red 2.8.jpg Red 2.7.jpg Red 2.6.jpg Red 2.5.jpg Red 2.4.jpg Red 2.3.jpg Red 2.2.jpg Red 2.1.jpg Shit.png Redplanet.png Panda Hat 72.jpg Redswish.png Untitled 2.png|Red as a little kid from Camp Anarchy. RedDF.png|Red taken from dick figures music video website Batman1.PNG Batman4.PNG Batman6.PNG Autotunedisco.png red in flame war.PNG|Red in Flame War red in flame war 2.PNG|Red using a flamethrower in Flame War red pwnage.PNG|Red pwning in Flame War Capture.PNG Red with a sword.jpg|Red Attacking Raccoon on Zeusbag|link=http://dickfigures.wikia.com/wiki/Special:NewFiles# Red in Zeus.jpg|link=http://dickfigures.wikia.com/wiki/Special:NewFiles 187798_225156894170808_2354913_n.jpg Autotunedisco.png can`t hear you.jpeg debt.jpeg DF.jpeg dick_figures_by_dick_figures-Bath-rhymes.jpg faces.jpeg i feel bad 4 you , son.jpeg imagges.jpeg index.jpeg kitty.jpeg s.jpeg terminator.jpeg|"Who said you can eat mah cookies?" Autotunedisco.png knk;nk;.png Untitled. PNG FUCK Gravity.png|Red defying gravity once again. FUCK GRAVITY 2.jpg Red smiling.png|Silly Blue :) CATCHPHRASE.png|CATCHPHRASE! PERFECT MURDER.png|PERFECT MURDER! NO SURVIVORS.png|NO SURVIVORS! IF I SLEPT.png|IF I SLEPT! Red charging his beam.png|Imma chargin my laser!! Barbecue.png|Batman: No, The BBQ! aah.png batmansmile.png imbatman.png|i'm batman! landred.png awshitman.png dickfiguresred.png|''Dick Figures! robotfroog.png Wob (Red).png Wabbledee.png Red's laptop.png|Red's possible laptop computer Porn (Gundarr).png|Red watchin' porn (or Gundarr) Red (Deep Space promo) 1.png|Red in the Deep Space 69 promo Red (Deep Space promo) 2.png|Singing... Red (Deep Space promo) 3.png chrome 2012-08-24 21-57-38-42.png The original Red.png|Red, how he originally look, in the un-aired pilot episode Redposter.png Kidred.png|Red as a kid in First Day of Cool red as the terminator.jpg|Red with glasses resembling those of Arnold Schwarzenegger as The Terminator in "Terminate-Her!" GTA Pacific Grim 39.png GTA Pacific Grim 18.png GTA Pacific Grim 4.png GTA Pacific Grim 1.png Red (Hardcore Chore).png Red (Hardcore Chore) 2.png Red (Hardcore Chore) 3.png Red (Hardcore Chore) 4.png Red (Hardcore Chore) 5.png Red (Hardcore Chore) 6.png Red (Hardcore Chore) 6.jpg Red robbing a bank. Again..png Red (Hardcore Chore) 7.png Takin' out the trash.png|"Time to take out the trash." Red (Hardcore Chore) 8.png Red dying.png Red (Hardcore Chore) 9.png Red (Snowjob).png Snowman Red.png Snowman Red needs to pee.png Movie Gallery Supb.png Screenshot27.jpg Capbackwards.png Redattacks.png Kidred.png Cuz I'm awesome!.png Red doing a test.png Teenage Red.png Teenage Red 2.png Dance parties 3.png Golden teeth.png DF Middle School.png DF High School.png DF College.png Red at college.png Red's diploma.png DFTM-Red hearing Blue practicing.png Red putting his cap up.png DFTM - Red.png DFTM - Red 2.png Om nom nom.png DFTM Clip - Hungry Red.png DFTM Clip - Hungry Red 2.png DFTM Clip - Milk.png Hugging the milk.png Mayonnaise.png DFTM Clip - Jar.png Racco-BLAAAARGH.png Red puking again (Movie).png DFTM Clip - Red Vomit 2.png DFTM - Hatception.png DFTM - Red and the map.png DFTM - It's perfect.png THE GUNS HAVE GUNS.png DFTM-Back in my college years.png DFTM - Japan Subway.png Anime Red.png Red-Why do the koi fish.png DFTM - Red and his tiny cell phones.png Red-OMG face.png DFTM- Red is ringing.png DFTM Chapter 4-12.png DFTM- OW, WASABI.png DFTM- OW, MISO.png DFTM Chapter 4-14.png DFTM- TAKE SOME HOT TEA.png DFTM- Red crying.png DFTM 42.png DFTM- Red-san arriving at the Temple.png DFTM- Red, not even fire.png DFTM- Red and the temple.png Red- Oh, that's a bad one.png EVASIVE MANEUVEURS.png DFTM- Red floating.png DFTM- Red suprised.png Red- man, that's a cool drawing.png Red- Squiggle.png lol, wut.png DFTM - Chapter 4 Clip 13.png THE COPS ARE COMING.png DFTM Red- Oh really...png DFTM Clip (Red).png DFTM Clip (Red) 2.png DFTM Clip (Red) 3.png DFTM Clip (Red) 4.png DFTM Clip (Red) 5.png DFTM Clip (Red) 6.png DFTM Clip (Red) 7.png Harpoon shooting.png DFTM- Red and Blue going up the boat.png DFTM- Watchu talkin about.png DFTM- Red on a rowboat.png DFTM- I think you mean a...png DFTM- ..rowboat.png DFTM- Love and boner.png DFTM- Red lost in the sea 1.png WHAT IS LOVE...png DFTM- Red lost in the sea 2.png DFTM- Red lost in the sea 3.png DFTM- Red lost in the sea 4.png DFTM- Red lost in the sea 5.png DFTM- Red lost in the sea 6.png DFTM- Red laughing at poor Blue.png DFTM- Red lost in the sea 7.png DFTM- Rowboat fight.png DFTM- Such a big loser all the time!.png YOU'RE JUST RACIST AGAINST ELEPHANTS.png DFTM- Red swimming.png Kid Red- Hey ladies!.png DFTM- Blue's dream 4.png DFTM- Blue's dream 5.png DFTM- Red with sunglasses.png DFTM- Red with sunglasses 2.png DFTM- Red with sunglasses 3.png DFTM- Red's poop face.png DFTM- Red trying to poop 2.png DFTM- Red trying to poop 3.png DFTM- Red trying to poop 4.png Red- Careful, if I fart I'll kill you!.png DFTM- Red speaking to the emergencies.png DFTM- Oops, I think I broke the phone...png DFTM- Red on the ground.png DFTM- Where u goin.png DFTM- Red with sunglasses 4.png DFTM- Red and the island burning.png DFTM- Red and the island burning 2.png Red- BEES!!.png DFTM- Red and the island burning 3.png AH, SKYDEMON.png DFTM- Burrito Island, No!.png DFTM- Boobie Island, NOO!!.png DFTM- Red crying inside the plane.png DFTM- Red's OMG face.png Red- RUN AWAY, MAN.png DFTM- Red looking towards the alcohol.png Red- ENGLISH GIN.png DFTM Red 6.png DFTM Clip - Red Food 3.png Motorcycle.png red ambulance.png|In the ambulance,Red realized the importance of the relationship of Blue and Pink DFTM Chap10 - Red and Stacy.png|Red reuniting with Stacy. 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